1 year and 5 months na ang nakakaraan nung kami ay nagkahiwalay…
Ang hindi ko lang maintindihan ano ba talaga ang nararamdaman ko sa tuwing kami ay may pagkakataon na makapag usap. Bakit nasasaktan pa ako? Bakit naiiyak ako sa tuwing naaalala ko ang mga panahon na kami ay magkasama.
ako ba ay sadyang galit lang talaga sa kanya? o sadyang naiiyak ako sa sakit dahil d ko maamin sa sarili ko na may nararamdaman pa ako at umaasang maibabalik ko ang nakaraan.
Paulit ulit kong sinasabi sa sarili ko na sobra nya akong nasaktan pero bakit may parte din sa sarili ko na kaya ko siyang tanggapin ulit…
Yung taong hindi mo inaasahang iwan ka, yung taong naging buhay mo. Bigla nalang nawala na parang bula at sa tuwing siya ay magpaparamdam di ko lubos maisip na ang taong nagpapaiyak sa akin ay ang taong makapagbibigay sa akin ng saya.
Are you also finding your way in this cruel world?
You know, as I live my life there are times that I pause and just think about “what do I really want
in my life “? “What’s that thing that really satisfies me”?
Then I said to myself, why not give up then? Than try to face and figure out all the confusion that I face living this life.
Life seemingly becomes this hopeless and endless maze.
Which is really confusing sometimes.
Have you ever asked yourself if you are a better person?
Or is there a time in your life that you owe this life the very best of yourself?
Are you currently stuck in life?
The truth about this being “stuck “in this so called life of ours is that they’re not stuck, it’s just they haven’t found something that demands the very best they have to offer—- something that makes them want to be a better person.
Have you found your way? Or have you found someone or something that will help you to become the person you should be from the start.
I admit they are times in my life where I just want to escape from everything.
To ran away from a place where none of my problems would be able to find me.
Have you ever had that feeling before?
Where you just want to disappear from everyone?
How I wish I can get in a plane and go somewhere and leave all my responsibilities behind, my schedules and to leave all the drama.
I wonder how it feels when you don’t carry the weight of the world anymore.
What would it be like to be the person who leaves instead of the person who always gets left behind?
How does it feel when you finally find that escape or to press that redo button and be the person you always wanted to be.
Life gets so complicated at times that it seems you prefer to just leave and forget about everything.
To your past that haunts you until now and where hope for the future is gone.
I am just being dreamy that one day I will be able to have that SWEET ESCAPE.
Psalm 37:4 ( KJV )
Last night I received an email from a loved one back home while I was attending our mid week prayer meeting but it was about to end when i saw it and read some part of the message … tears started falling and i went out to read the remaining part of that message .. My world just stopped turning. I dont wanna feel like this —- depressed, helpless, unworthy and despair. I am living my life far from my family almost 2 yrs now. 1 year here in BKK and a year somewhere else … I dont wanna feel this way .. I was seeking God and been praying and talking to Him to be with me. I dont wanna feel that ” self pity “ I know God is there for me .. I dont wanna feel that He is abandoning me as of this moment because of these trials and testings that I am encountering. He knows what I feel inside and I cannot hide from Him. I dont wanna look for an outlet to satisfy myself or just divert my attention just to feel good for the meantime. We can deceive other people that we are okay but not our God. I know all will be well as i live my life this way and with Him as I walk in love with Him. He will stay with us when we are in need we just have to seek Him and we will Him there waiting for us. =) He stays and will always remain. His love for us is everlasting.